I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
