I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
