I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
