don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
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Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
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Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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