she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
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is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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