Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
