Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
