i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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