saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
