I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
