remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
