I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
