Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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