I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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