I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
