And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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