I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
