in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
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I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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