Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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