I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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