the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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