My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
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Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
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I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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