a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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