I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize