I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
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Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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