me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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