I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize