So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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