I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
