I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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