i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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