You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
