you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.