I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
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I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
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It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?