Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.

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(516): I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen. http://tfl.nu/vaik

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(915): View more from Texas

You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.

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(915): You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there. http://tfl.nu/fu8g

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.

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(832): So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket. http://tfl.nu/78sj

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(818): View more from California

I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.

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(818): I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder. http://tfl.nu/z8u4

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Some one left their pants in the elevator.

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(617): Some one left their pants in the elevator. http://tfl.nu/4aog

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(512): View more from Texas

Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.

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(512): Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box. http://tfl.nu/wxom

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.

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(504): Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high. http://tfl.nu/srpn

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(+61): View more from Australia

woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME

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(+61): woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME http://tfl.nu/6fbk

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(510): View more from California

Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.

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(510): Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior. http://tfl.nu/2r56

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(541): View more from Oregon

I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.

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(541): I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now. http://tfl.nu/mv3i

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha

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(402): I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha http://tfl.nu/npx2

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.

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(215): I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina. http://tfl.nu/lvx4

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(609): View more from New Jersey

He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.

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(609): He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state. http://tfl.nu/7xin

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(410): View more from Maryland

i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know

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(410): i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know http://tfl.nu/vpyl

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(303): View more from Colorado

By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.

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(303): By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share. http://tfl.nu/qyzo

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