"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure