Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.