Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
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The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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