I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
whose ass print is on the piano?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...