I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
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Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
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scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.