I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.