Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december