Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
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Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
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Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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