Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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