You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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