I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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