I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
