alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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