I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
