He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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