the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
