i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
and you said cock pushups were impossible
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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