What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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