she smelled like a LAN party
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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