There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We need a shit load of segways right now
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
