he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
