listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
