If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize