and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize